Thoughts about the Alberta Wildfires, Part 3.
I’m still on the train, of course, as most of my journaling for these “Times of Refreshing” will be done on this trip to Vancouver. We have just left Jasper and are now weaving our way through the valleys around the Rocky Mountains. I’m trying to think about emotions and how it works in me. Honestly, I don’t even understand my own emotions sometimes.
Maybe that’s a bad thing. I’m not really sure what to make of that. Does this mean I have really low Emotional Quotient such that I don’t understand emotions? Or really high EQ in that I can exert a certain control over my emotions? I don’t know. Let’s talk about crying for example. The last time I really truly cried was when my cousin, Ate Denise, died in 2013. As in truly uncontrollably sobbing crying. I don’t even want to think about it so I’m just going to stop describing it there.
Other than that, I don’t really emote very much except for anger when coming across a really terrible driver on the roads… But even that, I don’t have as much opportunity to encounter since I walk to work and have cut down my driving dramatically over the past 6 months or so. Oh, I tear up when I watch sad movies or TV shows. I was all tears at the end of AnoHana and Your Lie in April. But that’s entertainment… I kind of view that similar to eating spicy foods. You know what kind of reaction you’re gonna have to it. But you do it just for the fun of it.
I do choke up at the thought of how our Alberta has come together to help the evacuees leaving Fort McMurray. I especially choke up when I think about the Emergency Workers were and are up in Fort McMurray fighting that wildfire. But of course that is not a reaction of sadness, but immense gratitude, and some pride at being associated even only geographically with those people.
I feel the same way when I think about the Cross sometimes. Especially when I am singing a particularly poignant worship song that describes the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for my sins. More than once, while leading the song In Christ Alone, I’ve had to stop singing at those lines, “on that cross, as Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied…”
So I’ll just continue on this journey of self discovery. I am now in a deadline that has no cell service at all. Not sure how long that will go on for, it might even be for the whole time we are travelling to Kamloops. But I’ll post this when I can, and I’ll keep writing as thoughts come to me.